Funny Shit My Husband Says

His potty humor. If drugs sounded like their function:

“Laxatives should be called I-B-Poopin,

Antidiarrhetics: The Shit Stops Here.”

When I’m having cramps and don’t feel like going out he says:

“Kick your uterus in the nuts and let’s go!”

Most people say they follow the Golden Rule when hubby says they actually follow the “Bronze Rule”:

“Do unto others as you’d have them do unto you…unless it’s otherwise inconvenient or unpleasant.”

On my wanting so much alone time:

Me: What do you want??
Hubby: I want your brain and some of your time.
Me: That’s a lot to ask.
Hubby: I’m a lot of man.

(Hubby is a big guy)

Hubby says I shoot down his ideas:

Hubby: You always poke holes in my ideas!
Me: Oh yeah? Well, you punch holes into mine! Things come dribbling out of your holes and gushing out of mine.

(Er, TMI? Sorry!)

On thinking of myself a better Christian for not complying to the rules hubby says:

Me: I knew what I was supposed to do, I just didn’t do it. I’m such a rebel! ::gleeful laugh::
Hubby: You weren’t a rebel, you were a hypocrite.

(Yowch! Okay, that last one wasn’t funny…)

~Quixie

P.S. All these jokes/-isms were posted with my hubby’s permission

P.P.S. I hate the term “hubby.” I need to come up with something less…I dunno. Will have to think on this…

P.P.P.S. I’m feeling much better from yesterday. Thanks for asking!

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