“When I’m President everyone gets a free pony.” – Vermin Supreme, Presidential Candidate
A free PONY???
Who the hell is this Vermin Supreme, you may ask? He’s an entertainer and activist who has been running for public office since 1987 (source). This year he ran in the New Hampshire Democratic primary and came in 4th place (after Martin O’Malley) with 259 votes!
His real name is Ken Stevenson and not only is he running for President of the U.S. but he also created what looks to be a brilliant satirical documentary called “Vote Jesus: Chronicles of Ken Stevenson.” Here is a clip of the documentary here:
Okay, this is a guy I can take seriously. Seriously. But, back to his platform:
Ponies, Vermin’s job stimulus program and federal pony ID program, is only one part of Vermin’s platform. He also is big on Zombie Preparedness, utilizing zombies for energy by luring them with brains to push giant hamster wheel contraptions.
Time Travel Research. He plans on going back in time to kill baby Hitler. Time travel is as cool as it gets but why not put it to good use (ala Quantum Leap style?)
Mandatory tooth brush laws.“Strong teeth for a strong America”
Check out this guy’s hilarious oral hygiene puns!
Oh, and just in case you were wondering about what to do with all that pony poop. Well, Vermin has a plan for that too: turn all that pony poop into methane gas to solve our Energy Crisis (in addition to the Zombie wheels). Genius.