Detachment

How do I…

get my attention span back?

A couple weeks ago I uninstalled Facebook as I would spend a couple hours a day scrolling. Hours!

I surprisingly don’t miss it. Only check it about once a week. Now I replace that time with watching YouTube videos (ha ha – from one evil to another)!

When I was a recluse and had severe social anxiety (that kept me from working for years) I would watch YouTube because somehow it would make me feel connected to the outside world. Then I found WordPress (where I actually interacted with people and not just anoymously watch their videos) and that replaced my YouTube watching quite a bit.

Then I started working and since then I’ve stopped focusing and caring about things I’m passionate about so I’m less active on WordPress and I’m also just too busy and tired to devote my energy to something.

Just like everyone else I get up, breakfast, kids to school, work, pick kids up, homework, dinner, hygiene stuff, prepare for next day, etc. And time to just “be” feels very uncomfortable.

So in between those activities I’m on my phone. Entertaining myself but not engaging myself. Well, except when I blog.

When will I…

be able to read a book again?

I have no attention span, no focus. Reading seems like a waste of time

(And YouTube is not?) I’m somehow not able to use my imagination to be whisked away into fantasy land. At least not for very long.

When will I…

actually buy vinyls for the record player I’ve had for a month?

(That I’ve wanted for years)

I cannot imagine just listening to music and doing nothing else!

When did that happen? I can’t just read or listen to music anymore. How strange.

I have this…

hestitation to be emotionally engaged.

I’m exhausted but actually functioning better than I ever have in my life. Weird.

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