Where do you see yourself in 5 years?
I can perhaps think about where I’d like to be in 1 year, and then in 20 or 30 years. Everything in-between is unclear.
In 20-30 years my life fantasy looks like this:
I’m living alone with my pet(s). I’ve taken up a creative hobby or goal (writing?) that takes up a large majority of the time. When I’m not working on my hobby I’m part of an organization of passionate friendly people that has some sort of humanitarian goal that makes the world a better place. And when I’m not doing that I’m taking lessons on how to sing and dance and taking classes in computer science and a foreign language.
My kids live somewhat far away and living their own lives (not at home or close by like many of my peers), though they do visit occasionally. Since I have a propensity to become out of touch with reality and really depressed when alone too long I have young people (college-aged neighbors?) check on me and hang out with me and listen to my stories. And occasionally I have friends that I do things with outside of the home.
And I’m getting ready to travel. Like, just go out on my own and travel to…where ever. I just feel like I should eventually broaden my horizons and see what the rest of the world is like.
Is that weird? I think it is. In my fantasy where is my life partner? Why am I not more ambitious about career goals? Why do I not care where I live? Why do my kids not live near me?
No life partner? I think my introversion is not conducive to the demands of a typical relationship. I’ve also gotten so proficient at self – soothing that the idea of my needing anyone or their needing me is now off-putting. It’s not that I don’t have an inability to express or experience love it’s just that I’m tired of society telling me what I ought to desire, experience or behave like.
Not ambitious about career goals? More on this in a moment, but I’ll be writing a blog post about this soon..
Why do I not care where I live? Maybe living all around the country has told me I can make it work where ever I am.
Why don’t I want my kids to live near me? Until I am an parent of adult children I won’t know what it’s like, but so far I tend to be more excited about, and like my children more, the older they become rather than feel nostalgic about the good ole days. I truly want to see them living their own individualistic lives.
I also have a realistic understanding that life can very much get in the way of my fantasy. I may end up by necessity having to work at a job I don’t love. I may not have the time or resources to pursue hobbies and goals and travel. My kids may require more life-assistance than I want to give. I may obtain a major disability. I may be dead. ::shrug:: who knows.
I tend to laugh at people with life-plans.
HOWEVER, it is time. Time to plan my life for a change.
So, what do I want out of the next 5 years?
I’d like to have lost some weight so I can comfortably do things again. I’ve gotten faat. Like, how did I become so oblivious of my physical body that it got to this state and how do I take care of it? What can I do about that now? Hmm…Step 1. just be mindful of what the heck I’m doing with my body.
I need to go to graduate school. Need? Well, not a basic need, but every time I start thinking about the next 5-10 years of what I want to be doing I realize I need a master’s degree to do it. Plus I love learning! I love school! I love taking tests (as long as I do well at them). I’m weird. Step 1: take a practice GRE test to access my level. Though I already know that I’m probably “okay” at the writing part, “mediocre” at verbal, and”abysmal” at math (evidenced by the fact that I’m at a loss on how to help my 6 grader with her homework).
I have an increasing desire to be charitable. My particular areas of interest are helping food banks and domestic violence shelters. The local Freethinker group just started a weekly charity event called “Do Good without God at #ServiceSunday” which sounds right up my ally…but I work on Sundays. I love excuses! I could request to change my schedule at work, which I had considered doing anyway. What is Step 1 here? Like, I could contact them to take up the volunteer request to work the diaper drive (moms and babies, my favorite!) at the county expo this Saturday instead however I bet I’m going to not do it. Step 1? evaluate what’s causing my willfulness and work towards pushing through it.
Make friends. I don’t feel lonely at all. I have a fun and friendly relationship with my coworkers and I talk to at least 40 students on the phone every day so I feel no great need to be social, though at times when there is a quiet I think it might be fun to occasionally hang out with people who actually know me. Step 1? start letting people in just a little bit and feeling people out to see who might become potential friends.
Wear beautiful clothes that express me. Step 1…Buy these shoes: (done!)
This isn’t much of a plan, but it’s what I got.