My apologies for my absence.
I tend to turn inward when stressed and my stress-levels are ultra-high at the moment. I do not know where my family and I will be living in 6 weeks (have not found a house yet!) or where my kids will be going to school in the fall. There are about 25 applicants per house and they gets leased out within a couple days. I’ve found 4 homes in the past couple of weeks that I fell in love with, but they were snatched up before I could sign a lease. It’s like being rejected for jobs all over again.
Additionally, there is work stress. The new manager at work has implemented new criteria which’ll likely end in my demotion as the emphasis is going to be on call volume verses call quality. ::Sigh::. I fuckin rock at my job at present. I’m great at de-escalating upset callers and actually helping them out. And I am great and training new employees. This is a benefit to the team because there are now a ton of new reps as many have jumped ship.
A couple weeks ago they changed the schedule that I’d had for over a year on sudden notice. It’s affected not only me but my family. Since I get home an hour and half later my daughter is at home by herself longer which scares her, my son is in afterschool care longer which upsets him, my husband can no longer attend his weekly appointments, I don’t have as much time or energy to help much with dinner, homework, nor chores and this leaves me feeling worn, guilty, and sad. I surprisingly don’t have any extra time by myself in the morning as I thought I would, as I’ve chosen to take more time helping out my kids’ in the morning so I get more time with them. Traffic is worse and I have to park on what feels like the other side of the world. There has been zero benefit to the new schedule, only more stress.
As soon as the new manager announced the new changes this last week I applied for a job on another team. He’s in charge of this same team as well however I’d be evaluated by different standards, so at least there is a chance my strengths will be appreciated there. There are less calls and more emails and cases, which I think I’ll appreciate. I’m seriously getting tired of answering the phone literally 50 times a day. Plus, I’ve had 7 people on the other team who I’ve gotten to know practically hound me to join their team and one of my previous supervisors, who I liked, is over there. No interview has been set yet, but I’m hoping I’ll get the job and start before peak season so I don’t have to work much or any overtime in a few months.
I’ve lost a lot of gratitude for having a job and have been feeling disrespected and resentful ever since they changed my schedule out of the blue. There has been nothing but chaos since I started the job over a year ago and you’d think they’d have figured things out by now considering the company has been around for 20 years. Eventually, I’ll need to move on to another company. For now, wish me luck on getting the new position!
Then there is my many dental appointments, my son’s ortho visit, my daughter’s hygiene issues, my kids’ birthdays, and mother’s day (Yes, that is stressful as any holiday is).
So, I’m stressed out.
And I’ve been pathologizing my stress. More about that later.
LAST TWO WEEKS
What I’m reading:
- The Washington Post (I find their articles the most thought-provoking)
- Memoirs of Geisha, Arthur Golden (I’m no love with this author’s use of metaphors)
What I’m watching:
- Handmaid’s Tale, Hulu series (So intense. So uncomfortable. So necessary. In my top-10 shows of all time)
- This is America, Childish Gambino (This is is so powerful and enlightening- I’ve watched this 8x so far)
- SNL, YouTube (Whaaa…Donald Glover the comedian and Childish Gambino the rapper and the actor who plays Lando in the new Solo movie are all the same guy???)
- I’m Not Racist, Joyner Lucas (Whoa..this was not what I thought it was. Stick with it)
What I’m listening to:
- Green Day’s Dookie album
- Cranberries’ No Need to Argue album
- Cornflake Girl , Spark and Crucify by Tori Amos (Have you noticed the 90’s theme to my music yet? These Tori Amos songs somehow fit in with Handmaid’s Tale to me)
- Nothing is Ever Anyone’s Fault, Crazy Ex-Girlfriend
Pictures I took: