Written November 16, 2014

I’m exploring the months leading up to my deconversion. Six months before I lost my faith I wrote this on my previous blog, quixotic faith. This was my 2nd blog post ever.

In western society, in the United States of America, people with “extreme” or “radical” beliefs are dangerous. Sometimes I wonder why I have to think so deeply and feel so passionately. Can’t I be lukewarm, tame, and boring just like everyone else? NO, I can’t. I wonder, defensively, am I actually dangerous? Am I like a Muslim extremist eager to wage jihad? NO. Am I working on setting up a theocracy where only the “righteous” have any rights? NO.

So, what makes me different? I believe these really extreme things, according to society. I mean, I actually believe Jesus is alive, he is resurrected, and will return to set up a new kingdom! I believe the Holy Spirit is alive inside of me, guiding and purifying me! I believe I have been born again into a new creature and am an actual (adopted) child of God! I actually believe this crazy stuff! Truly.

So, how am I not dangerous? Because when I actually listen to Jesus I act out of love.

Any true follower of Jesus is operating out of love. If they are not operating out of love they are not following Jesus!

Thanks Biblegateway.com for the following:

1 Corinthians 13 Amplified Bible (AMP)

4 Love endures long and is patient and kind; love never is envious nor boils over with jealousy, is not boastful or vainglorious, does not display itself haughtily.

5 It is not conceited (arrogant and inflated with pride); it is not rude (unmannerly) and does not act unbecomingly. Love (God’s love in us) does not insist on its own rights or its own way, for it is not self-seeking; it is not touchy or fretful or resentful; it takes no account of the evil done to it [it pays no attention to a suffered wrong].

6 It does not rejoice at injustice and unrighteousness but rejoices when right and truth prevail.

7 Love bears up under anything and everything that comes is ever ready to believe the best of every person, its hopes are fadeless under all circumstances, and it endures everything [without weakening].

8 Love never fails [never fades out or becomes obsolete or comes to an end]. As for prophecy (the gift of interpreting the divine will and purpose), it will be fulfilled and pass away; as for tongues, they will be destroyed and cease; as for knowledge, it will pass away [it will lose its value and be superseded by truth].

I immediately go to my imaginary adversary’s response that says, “But, what about all the horrible things that Christians have done in the name of Jesus?” or “What about the Christians who want to set up a theocracy in this country and tell the rest of us how to live? I mean, those people think they are truly being loving and ‘saving’ others and rescuing us from hell.”

What defense do I have against this? I could tell them of all the beautiful Christians who have truly loved and made the world a better place. Most of them are not famous. Because in order to love like Jesus you have to be “the least of these.” It involves humility and servitude. They are typically unseen and typically not popular because the world values the proud, the manipulative, the producers. The successful. It’s very hard to be successful by the world’s standards and stay humble and loving.

Every person on this earth is magnetically drawn to selfishness and pride. The Bible says it’s a given. And nothing feeds a person’s selfishness and pride like self-righteousness! But if you truly know and love Jesus and desire to follow him you lay down your own life (desires, dreams, etc.) and listen to his voice. Otherwise, even if you know scripture inside and out, even if you go to great lengths to do good works and serve God, and even if you have incredible spiritual gifts, you are still on the road to hell, just like the unbeliever! God is totally not impressed by our religiousness!

So, one of the things that keeps me from being dangerous is that I regulary seek and out and listen to the voice of truth and love.

The second thing that keeps me from being dangerous is my love for social science. My academic interests have always steered towards the human condition over physical science. Social science has often been criticized as not really science and often mocked for it. But I’m sure you’ve heard the phrase that those that don’t know history are destined to repeat it? It’s true. I love sociology (got my Bachelor’s degree in it), psychology, history, economics, politics, and anthropology. Anything about the human psyche or how humans interact with each other or the world.

How does this keep me from being dangerous? Well, in studying the human condition I have studied what makes people dangerous. I am a rebel, no doubt about it, in terms of not accepting the status quo. I personally have sought Truth (with a capital T) through theology and philosophy. And I have settled on Christianity as an anchor for my otherwise nihilistic thoughts (more on that in later posts). However, I am not above being challenged. In fact, I constantly challenge my own mind and beliefs with imaginary adversaries (as I have already discussed) mixed with real challenges that I have seen people throw at me or others. Give me a good challenge and I might as a hyper sensitive person be initially be offended by it, but in the end I will love you for it because it will strengthen my beliefs that are true and pure and will send the weak and unnecessary beliefs into the fire.And by good challenge I mean a well-thought out objection. In other words, not just a blanket attack in your need to feel superior or self-righteous.


About Quixie

Hi! I go by "Quixie." Quixie is a shortened version of "quixotic," which means: "exceedingly idealistic; unrealistic and impractical." It's how I described my evangelical Christian faith when I started blogging 7 years ago. Now I'm an agnostic atheist who is trying to find a balance between idealism and reality. I write about my mental health journey with bipolar disorder, my loss of faith (deconversion), parenting teens, reading, exercise/health, work-life, and my marriage separation/divorce.