This weekend my daughter got fed up with hearing about her friend’s accounts of her mother verbally abusing and neglecting her and so my daughter sent an extremely nasty text to the mom. I won’t share what she said but it was bad. Reading it, I felt like I was punched in the gut.
My daughter then went on the Say Something app, which was created for kids to report concerning behavior and anoymously give a tip, and she shared her concerns of the things that her friend said about her mom, with text screenshots. There was also indication that her friend had recently self-harmed and had been talking “non-seriously” about taking a bottle of pills.
The tip was forwarded to the police who showed up her friend’s house to do a welfare check. The mom then called me, sharing the nasty text my daughter sent and the event # the police gave for the welfare check. She asked me if I knew it was illegal to give a false report and that CPS (child protective services) may get involved. I was in shock so all I could say was I’d be taking away my daughter’s phone and talking to her, and I’d call her back.
The mom had asked me to contact the police, but I saw no reason to do so. My daughter actually didn’t “call the cops,” it was a tip anonymously sent and I don’t want to get my daughter more involved. My daughter continued to have contact with her friend through Minecraft (unbeknownst to we, her parents), and the mom texted me to tell me that my daughter showed no remorse for her actions and if my daughter kept communicating with her she would proceed with legal action.
On top of this, my daughter had a night where I was worried she would harm herself. She said she couldn’t live without her friend (she was her only close friend), that her friend feels betrayed and wants nothing to do with her, that she always messes things up, and wanted to die. I spent the night in my daughter’s room to make sure she was safe. She’s doing better now, but that was scary and I’m still closely paying attention to her.
I can’t ever relax. My work is slow but because it’s new it causes me a lot of stress. I go home and there is even more stress. I don’t want to go into details but it’s not a place I can just take a deep breath and relax. My mind is constantly worried and anxious. My pulse rate is high. I wish I still had my betablockers. I’m not allowed any betablockers anymore or a short acting anti-anxiety (like Xanax) because of my history so I’m just going to have to muscle through it.
I do have some time right before I sleep where I’m watching shows that distract me for a bit. But that distraction only lasts so long.
I still don’t know if my housing lease will renew and what we are doing about health insurance. I’m worried about pills running out. And other health needs that need to be addressed.
Writing this has made me feel slightly better, but I still have the whole incident with my daughter’s friend hanging over me. Wondering if the mom will contact me again. Wondering if the police or CPS will call and what we’ll say. On top of everything else.
I’m trying to find moments to relax my brain and calm my heart. Distraction helps, when I can actually find things that distract me. There is just worry upon worry.
None of this is new. I’ve been concerned for the welfare of this kid and have been giving her mother the benefit of the doubt. There have been concerning signs but my friend’s daughter is really mentally ill and is getting treatment. My daughter didn’t go about things in the right way but I understand why she did what she did.
I’ve completely ghosted her mom because there is absolutely nothing I can say that would help in any way and could only harm.
So now I just try to focus on keeping my daughter away from contacting her friend and in general being in online social groups. I have to do so but I’ve been reading some of these teen groups and there is some extremely dark stuff that is not helping my daughter in any way.
I don’t want you to pray for me but please tell me everything will eventually be ok. Thanks friends.