Not looking forward to the day

This morning I’m a little shaky. Last night I woke up every 2 hours, then every hour then every half an hour, and so on.

I had a dream that my parents took me to a church service in the mall. During the worship I got fed up and couldn’t listen to it longer so I ventured out to get myself some coffee. I saw a self-serve cafe.

In the cafe there were only pre-made lattes with lots of sugar and donuts, bagels, and pastries. I went around and around in the line several times trying to find something to drink and eat with no sugar/low carb. I failed and cheated on my diet and felt sick afterwards.

I woke up drenched in sweat. I have a sunburn from my hours out in the sun yesterday. Other than walking outside around sunrise often, I don’t think I’ve been out in the sun when it was high and bright for a good solid year or possibly more.

Today I’ve got to do several unpleasant things at work. Typically I don’t take take stressful things from work home with me (because they usually aren’t that stressful) but these things I’ve thought a little bit about over the weekend and I’m not looking forward to going in today.

But it’ll be okay.

I’m also not looking forward to working in the office by myself for a week starting Wednesday. The food pantry person will be around to help, but she’ll be busy and that’s it. My coworker that typically handles half the work is going on vacation.

Tonight we meet with my daughter’s therapist. She’s failing her classes and has tons of unexcused absences, despite watching her login. I don’t know what the problem is, but it’s making me sick. I’m hoping her therapist will have some tips.

It’s just one of those days. Just because I don’t feel right this morning doesn’t mean that the rest of the day is ruined.

I’m going to go to work now and have some coffee and realize that I can get through all of this.


3 thoughts on “Not looking forward to the day

  1. You can do this.

    Have you done a Keto diet before, and did you have sleeping problems last time? Your dream about sugar and pastries reminds me of my “bathroom labyrinth” dreams, where I wander around searching for a usable toilet, and can never find one. Those dreams are really just my brain telling me that I need to wake up and go pee. I wonder if your cafe dream is your brain telling you it really really wants a doughnut?

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Yes, I’ve done keto before many years ago and it worked well. Believe it or not, I don’t really crave anything sugary. My problem now, I feel, is mostly being in situations where everyone is eating carbs/sugar and I’m missing out. It’s more being excluded or having trouble finding foods to eat rather than cravings.

      I’ve had those bathroom dreams before, and it’s always anxiety provoking. Not fun not being able to find a toilet!

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I’ve cut out added sugars in my diet for the last month, as sugar has always been my Achilles heel. I’ve done this before and am prepared for the enormous carb cravings I get…they’re intense enough that I do actually feel it’s a physical withdrawal, and I dream every night of sweet stuff. When I was on a vegetarian diet for a decade I’d constantly dream of meat…big burgers, steaks, etc. I’m not sure if it was a physical craving or a psychological issue due to the restrictive diet, but those dreams didn’t stop until I started eating meat again years later. Seems we always want whatever it is we’re trying to restrict. Wine is next on my list to restrict…will I start dreaming of throwing back some moscato next?

    I so sorry to hear of the stress you and your daughter are going through. Personally I’ve found parenting problems can bring me to my knees in a way nothing else can…probably because there’s usually no readily apparent solution, and the stakes are high when it comes to what we hope for and want for our kids. Many hugs. ❤

    Liked by 2 people

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About Quixie

Hi! I go by "Quixie." Quixie is a shortened version of "quixotic," which means: "exceedingly idealistic; unrealistic and impractical." It's how I described my evangelical Christian faith when I started blogging 5 years ago. Now I'm an agnostic atheist who is trying to find a balance between idealism and reality. I write primarily about my mental health journey (I have bipolar disorder), and I also discuss my deconversion, mindfulness, exercise, music, reading, and other cultural topics.