On the plus side (let’s start with that), things are actually going ok at work despite my having a lot more responsibility and having to do tasks in a different way.
I’ve called my supervisor and had her review my work for the new funding for our clients. The funding is coming from the federal CARES Act and, like all government paperwork, is a bitch. I might be starting to understand it. Maybe.
I’ve found that my supervisor seems to like my asking “stupid” questions. Maybe she likes that I’m engaged and communicative. The great news is that now that I’m coming to her more instead of my coworker we are building a rapport.
And also I’m spending more time chatting with my only other coworker who spends most her time working in the pantry. When she’s not packing and delivering food she’s in the office chatting with me.
I still find my coworker being on vacation stressful but today work is a nice distraction from home.
Things with my daughter are not…great.
You’ve got an explosive mix of teenage girlhood, social isolation, mental illness, and the dark side of the internet going on.
Her dad and I have spent several hours talking with her therapist over the past couple weeks and have agonized on how best to help her. We are taking away her phone again, which my daughter says is her only coping mechanism.
She tells me the more I talk the less she trusts me, I don’t try to make things better, I don’t listen, nothing she could ever say would make me understand, I don’t want to hear what she has to say, we are more a mess than a family and our “environment” is what’s making her depressed, isolated and secretive. She says she wants to trust me again because she misses me and the last couple days I’ve hardly slept because of all this.
I forgot to add that my daughter is significantly smarter than me and also manipulative.
Anyway, I dropped her off at her grandparents this morning because she seems to do better there psychologically. She has a psych/med eval on Monday. I don’t know how long she’ll stay at her grandparents. Could be 1 day, could be months.
I just know I’m worn and I feel like a complete failure as a parent and I know that most parents feel this way at some point, if not often, so it’s not unusual.
Regardless of what my daughter thinks of me, I just want her to have a happy and healthy life.