I’m afraid a decision I made will make me lose my new IRL (in real life) friends. Hear me out and let me know what you think.
I had told Jillian (not her real name, for the sake of anonymity) that I would seriously consider adopting her neighbor’s stray kitty. She texted me today and I told her that this next week would be stressful and I would have to let her know after this week and told her I’d understand if Carl had to go to a different home.
Then I talked to my mom, and my ex and kids because I wanted their perspective. My gut was telling me know because…I just got Lucy 2 months ago and I’m still getting used to her; I just got a new job with more hours that I’m starting in a couple weeks; my kids are starting school next week…But my heart was telling me yes: I think Lucy is lonely, the kitty is freaking ADORABLE, and I DIDN’T WANT TO DISAPPOINT MY NEW FRIEND.
That was the biggest motivation for wanting to say Yes, and that’s not the greatest motivation. So I said, “No.” And I’m afraid she’ll hate me or something or not want to hang out with me again.
Let me explain, as some of you might be thinking, “Wait, Quixie now has in-person friends???”
Yes, I do. Or at least I do for now.
Yesterday I went to brunch with the Freethinkers and Humanist group and got to talking with a woman who was closer to my age than the other members, who are all my parents’ age or older. She was fascinated by how I got to where I am from being an evangelical Christian. It was very hard to explain, and at some point I’ll have to find a way to concisely tell my story. I explained to her that I haven’t yet developed a community since and she invited me to hang out with her and her friends that evening.
I’ll call her Isabelle. Isabelle is a lively 50 year-old Indian-American woman who is a mechanical engineer. She’s got 3 kids who have all just grown and left the house. She has 2 labradors, several cats, and a shed she renovated and just put on Air BnB. She is very good at making people feel welcome and at home. She invited me to her house with her friends Denise, Jillian, and Jamie.
Denise is a 36 year-old woman who runs a automotive repair shop down the street from me. I learned that her husband shot and killed himself a couple years ago and she knew something wasn’t right before he did this because he had complimented her, and apparently he was not a very nice man. She’s currently single but is not “looking” for anyone and she has no kids.
Jillian is in her 50’s and she has a sister with schizoaffective disorder who is difficult to get along with. Her mother also has (or had, not sure if she is still alive) schizophrenia and had her go through bizarre acts of behavior when she was a child. She recently got out of a long-term relationship. I’m not sure if she has children, or what she does for a living, but she is the one whose neighbor has a stray cat.
Jamie is a 42 year-old-woman who worked in health care but suffered a mental health crisis due to her job regarding the company merger and internal politics. She was let go and was given a settlement package in which she’s not supposed to talk about the reasons why she left. She has a master’s in business and she is currently going back to school for Social Work.
I had a blast with the four of them. We snacked on food, then drank for a couple hours and talked, then we rode bikes to the park (I hadn’t written a bike in over a decade!) and watched a band play, then went back and drank some more and talked some more. We watched some on YouTube, including Ricky Gervais’ comedy skits about gay animals and hilarious zefrank “documentary” animal videos.
I did get drunk but stayed pretty late at Isabelle’s house so I could sober up. She didn’t mind. We all had such a great time chatting.
I have spent most of my day recovering. Right now I’m actually at my ex’s watching tv with my kids. He and I had to sign up for obamacare for the month of September since we’ll have a gap in coverage. It’s extremely expensive. I’m not sure what this advertising about $10/month is about. Our government health care will be more than our COBRA and not cover half of what we need. Fortunately it’s just for a month as my health insurance should start October 1.
But back to my new friends…I’m EXTREMELY concerned that Jillian will not want to talk with me again. She’ll be mad that I made it seem like I was taking the kitty and think I’m wishy-washy. I mean, I did tell her a day later that I couldn’t do it and never promised her I would take him, BUT I really, really don’t want this group of women to dislike me or never want to talk to me again.
It’s a fear. Is it justified? I don’t know. On one hand, these women seem awesome and not like people who’d not talk to me again just because I said no to a stray cat. On the other hand, I only spent a couple hours with them and maybe they decided I don’t fit into their group afterall.
I feel like I’m in high school again. I guess I didn’t expect to actually make friends. I’ve made some many acquaintances over the years, but these women I could actually become FRIENDS with.
I guess I need to just let it go and just let what happens happens and keep going to my meetup groups.
Update: as soon as I finished this Jillian wrote me back and said No to worry, it’s a big committment and she hopes to see me soon! Well, hot dog, she doesn’t hate me after all!
Update 2: I forgot to mention that Jamie brought us Creme Brulee and, my god, I think it was the most delicious thing I’ve ever eaten!