Day 124: Job and friendship progress

I’m currently watching the Canadian Broadcasting Channel (CBC) on my Roku TV. I find it’s a nice change from American news and enjoy hearing the different way they pronounce “out” and “about.” Also, it seems that the news casters are more racially and ethnically diverse.

Today’s work day went better. Monday I realized I had a psychological block and froze when I got into a patient’s room. Once I realized that I gained a slight bit of hope that things could get better. I had a conversation with my mentor about it and since that conversation she has seemed less pushy and impatient.

Today I casually asked her if her parents live in the area and she told me both her parents died from Covid a year ago! She’s also a new mom with a 6 month old. This gave me some perspective and I respected her for being able to continue to work through it. I mean, she did take a few weeks off for the baby, but I would have just lost it when my parents’ died and probably wouldn’t be able to work for months.

I did receive some criticism today, but it was not harsh and was the constructive kind. I’m not saying I want to go back to work tomorrow — I still dread it each time I go into a patient’s room — but I’m no longer thinking about looking for other work. Next week I’ll get a break because I’m going to be going to the orthopedic hospital to train there with one of the techs I really like.

I had a therapy session yesterday evening and she said it sounded like I was dissociating when I went into a patient’s room out of fear. She recommended that I ground myself by being aware of where my feet are before I walk into the room and feel them firmly planted on the ground.

I also talked to her about how I feel like an imposter socially. I’m afraid that my new friends will find some reason why they don’t want to hang out with me. My therapist said that I’ve had manipulative friends and friends without boundaries and friends who’ve ghosted me so it makes sense I’d be afraid. My new friends are of a higher income bracket, are fit, outgoing, environmental friendly, active and know how to cook. I feel like they are living in a different world, but I want to be more like them. I just have to be careful to not shame myself for not being at the place they are at.

Overall, I feel like I have more joy in my life due to my social outings. In particular, there is one friend from the humanist group that has introduced me to all sorts of people and invites me to hang out every other weekend when I don’t have the kids. This weekend we hung out 2 nights in a row!

It’s time for me to wrap this up. I loved your comments to my last couple posts. Tomorrow I hope to be able to reply. Glad to hear from you!

***

For those new to my blog, I include in the post title how many days since I separated from my husband by moving into an apartment. I’m about 1/3 of the way towards meeting the year-long requirement in the State of North Carolina to get a divorce.

2 thoughts on “Day 124: Job and friendship progress

  1. I know it’s hard but I hope you get to the point where you’re not always second guessing yourself at work and socially. Friends come and go, no need to take it personally!! The more your able to be yourself, the better you’ll be at finding people who like that person!!

    Liked by 1 person

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About Quixie

Hi! I go by "Quixie." Quixie is a shortened version of "quixotic," which means: "exceedingly idealistic; unrealistic and impractical." It's how I described my evangelical Christian faith when I started blogging 7 years ago. Now I'm an agnostic atheist who is trying to find a balance between idealism and reality. I write about my mental health journey with bipolar disorder, my loss of faith (deconversion), parenting teens, reading, exercise/health, work-life, and my marriage separation/divorce.