Day 130: Jump in the shower and blood starts pumpin’

This song enters my brain immediately upon waking every day I work, especially the: “jump in the shower and the blood starts pumping…” as I stumble to the bathroom to bathe off the night sweats.

Work was stressful today, but…better. I was really busy and felt intimidated again, but at least anxiety isn’t causing me to freeze up and I’m actually learning stuff. Plus, the therapists are feeling more comfortable with me so they are friendlier, which helps, because for a while there I felt invisible.

I’m going to order out for dinner through Door Dash. I did that yesterday as well. I know it’s expensive, but it’s given me peace of mind not to have to go out shopping. I’ve been loafing in front of my tv after work and it’s really helped unwind me. I find rather than focusing for hours on how much I don’t want to go back to work the next day that I’m appreciating the quiet time I have without my kids.

I’ve decided to do something new with the kids. Every weekend I have them (so twice a month) for 2 hours I’m going to force them out of the house. Initially I’m not going to force them to actually PARTICIPATE (so, they can bring their devices), just get them out of the house because they are SO isolated and SUCH hermits and now that I’m feeling healthier and less anxious I’m realizing it’s my responsibility to make sure they are socially healthy as well.

Well, tomorrow is my meeting with my supervisor to go over how orientation is going. Wish me luck!

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About Quixie

Hi! I go by "Quixie." Quixie is a shortened version of "quixotic," which means: "exceedingly idealistic; unrealistic and impractical." It's how I described my evangelical Christian faith when I started blogging 7 years ago. Now I'm an agnostic atheist who is trying to find a balance between idealism and reality. I write about my mental health journey with bipolar disorder, my loss of faith (deconversion), parenting teens, reading, exercise/health, work-life, and my marriage separation/divorce.