Day 240: 3rd day w/o a job

Hi friends!

So, the big worry right now is making sure I don’t slip into a depressive episode. I see my therapist and psychiatrist today in an hour and I will discuss this with them. The way I’m dealing with this is to have a structured routine, which ::knock on wood:: I’ve been able to keep to so far.

Here’s what my day looks like:

8 am. Wakeup, shower (or 7am if I have errands like taking my car to the shop)

8:30am breakfast

9am- Noon job search (this involves applying to recommended 2-3 jobs a day, and finding at least 5 jobs I can apply for in the next couple days)

Noon-1 Lunch and YouTube

1pm-2pm Clean (I let my house go to shit so it takes this long to get it back to speed)

2pm-3pm Exercise (walk or YT exercise video)

3pm-5pm Errands or nap (yesterday I had nothing to do for a couple hours so I took a nap)

5pm-6pm dinner

6pm Hang out with friends or blog

7-10pm Read for an hour, Netflix, Email, “Me” time

10pm Meds/teeth brush/bed

So, yeah, my car is in the shop. For half the price I was expecting and had budgeted for. I’m renting a car. The first place I went to didn’t rent to me because I don’t have a credit card. Which is crazy because I’ve always had a credit card, but my soon-to-be ex husband and I *just* closed our joint account. We want to get rid of any shared finances before our divorce and I didn’t want any temptation to spend beyond my means. I’ll eventually get a credit card (my credit score is good) though I worry without having a job I’ll be denied.

Anyway, I did find a place that would rent me a car with a hefty refundable deposit. So I’ve got this cute little compact car that suits me much better than my SUV so I’ve enjoyed driving it.

I haven’t exercised today yet. Yesterday I did an aerobics workout from a YouTube video and just lifting up my legs was difficult so I’m sore. And the day before that I had walked continuously for 2 miles. I’m on beta-blockers for anxiety so my heart can take the cardio, however, my body is completely out of shape. At my job I did walk 10k steps a day and held up patients but I guess it’s not used to continuous movement for more than 10 minutes. So I’m going to work on my endurance.

Yesterday I went to the Humanist group where we discussed an article on whether politics was the new religion. It was in The Christian Scientist Monitor. I felt the article was biased toward religion but didn’t know how to articulate that. Fortunately, someone else in the group did. I also found I barely spoke because I can’t seem to articulate my thoughts clearly through speaking and I get shy. This group meetings 1x/month so I figure next time what I can do is write down my thoughts and bring them to the group.

After the group, my friend, her husband, and the ex-boyfriend of another friend of mine went to a really funky artsy bar. This really drunk 20-something-year-old guy I *think* was trying to hit on me and made a comment that he didn’t mean to make me feel uncomfortable after I largely ignored him. I think I just naturally have that “leave me alone” posture around people I don’t know. It’s because most of the time I feel like I have nothing to contribute to any conversations. Anyway, I told him he didn’t make me uncomfortable (which was a lie) and turned back to listening to my friends talk.

Tonight my friends and I are going to play pool. I’ve only played pool once. And I sucked at it. So I’m a little nervous.

So, right now I’m blogging. Then I got to get gas and go to my psychiatrist and therapist appointments, then call the car shop to see if my car will be done before I need to return my rental (and if not see if I can rent for another day). Then when I get home (depending on car stuff) I’m going to go shoot pool with my friends, which’ll likely last til 9, and I’ll read for an hour and then play around on my phone for a little bit. So, I’ve got a busy afternoon/evening ahead.

Tomorrow I get kids back. Fortunately, my place will be a lot cleaner than when they left.

One thought on “Day 240: 3rd day w/o a job

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About Quixie

Hi! I go by "Quixie." Quixie is a shortened version of "quixotic," which means: "exceedingly idealistic; unrealistic and impractical." It's how I described my evangelical Christian faith when I started blogging 7 years ago. Now I'm an agnostic atheist who is trying to find a balance between idealism and reality. I write about my mental health journey with bipolar disorder, my loss of faith (deconversion), parenting teens, reading, exercise/health, work-life, and my marriage separation/divorce.