Day 348: Work, Skating, Reading IT, Daughter Help

Can you believe at the end of this month it’ll be a year since I separated from my husband/moved into my apartment and that I’ll finally be able to FILE FOR DIVORCE! Woot woot! I even went to my first Divorce Support Group. Boy was that…interesting. I wrote about it here.

So, what have I been up to besides going to a divorce group?

  1. Crying over the U.S. Supreme Court decision to overturn Roe v Wade
  2. Stressing about work (though still a million times better than my last job)
  3. Joining skating group
  4. Reading IT by Stephen King
  5. Helping my daughter get assistance from school

ABORTION

I’ve literally been crying every day for women in this alleged “first world” country. I’ve got thoughts. Lots of thoughts. Too many to share now.

WORK

I’ve been given this revolving project. It requires an excruciating amount of detail. It drains the life out of me. I feel exhausted by the end of the day. My boss is having me step in for her for a VIP meeting while she’s at the doctor. I’m supposed to do a presentation. If I do a good job maybe at some point I’ll get promoted. I try to keep that in mind. If all else fails, I tell myself I’m not wiping butts or standing around akwardly all day or, most importantly, not worried about KILLING anyone.

SKATING

Yes, I joined a skating group. Mostly of individuals in their late 20s-mid 30s, but hey, I can hang. Though I am having trouble actually skating. Since I last skated I had gained a massive amount of weight. In addition, I rarely exercise and so I felt like I was going to topple over at any moment.

I had brought my own skates I had bought and asked for the tool to loosen the wheels. He asked me if I needed help. No sir, I used to do roller derby. Says the woman who can hardly skate. Boy, were my ankles cramping. Boy, did I feel like I was going to topple over. I’m hoping with practice it’ll get better. Oh, and I ran into an old coworker, one I like. She says she goes every week.

IT BY STEPHEN KING

This book is massive: almost 1,200 pages! I’m currently 500 pages in and it took 300 pages for me to get into the book. It also took those 300 pages before the book got scary. So much so that one night I had a nightmare that I saw a red balloon in the park and out of the corner of my eye I could see Pennywise crouching there in his clown costume giving me the evilest, most disgusting grin. I woke up on edge for a few minutes because it was one of those dreams that you were CERTAIN was real.

Then, the next day as I was sending a text I went to choose an emoji and I thought I saw, real quick, a clown emoji pop up as one of the 5 most common options I’ve used. I jumped a little. Like, What The Actual Fuck? I’ve never ever used a clown emoji. Creepy! I told myself it’s just a scary book and fortunately, it’s not affecting my everyday life or that’d be a problem. I’m alone and I’m not scared of the dark, or my sink, tub, or sewage drains. Though I think if I saw some random balloon floating anywhere I’d probably jump.

DAUGHTER

Oh boy, what do I say about this. Okay, well we finally got her a 504 plan for school (last year the school had insisted she was doing okay with her grades and didn’t need one). Well, our family advocate person went with us and her presence gave me the strength I needed to speak up on behalf of my daughter. Midway through the meeting, my daughter started shaking. Then she jumped up and started yelling at everyone. Then she ended up in a corner curled up in a ball, crying. As to why this happened, well it’s a bit draining for me to explain. It’s complicated and I don’t wish to focus on it right now. Other than to say she never talks to me or her dad and in that meeting she yelled things we just didn’t know until that moment.

The school psychologist suggested that my daughter not be at the next meeting. 30 minutes before the next meeting I was having psychosomatic symptoms of being physically ill and so I sent my daughter’s dad to go by himself. I knew it was psychosomatic because after I was no longer obligated to be there I immediately felt better. I avoided and avoiding isn’t great, but I’m glad her dad stepped up. He’s been very positive and helpful lately. I’ve been telling him so because he deserves to know.

After her 504 was finalized my daughter and I had a long talk and it ended with her asking for a hug. She gave me a HUG!!! And she actually talked with me. Two amazing things.

Well, that’s it for now, folks. Go read my Divorce blog. And lookout for the abortion post, which I’m hoping to write this weekend.

I hope you are well. I apologize for my long absence.

***

Oh, one more thing I want to write about. Where are all the 40 somethings hiding? Because no matter what I do and where I go I’m either around 25-35-year-olds or retirees. I love people of all ages, but I’m wondering where people my age are.

One thought on “Day 348: Work, Skating, Reading IT, Daughter Help

  1. Your daughter opened up to you! That’s huge!

    I wish mine would. My younger daughter, the one that’s Aspie, almost never talks to me, and when she does it’s usually not about anything serious. From the few times she’s let me read her writing, I know she has a brain buzzing with thoughts, but she never lets me in on any of them. My older daughter is the opposite, she will tell me what’s on her mind every minute of every day, in detail. I kind of wish she’s talk to me less.

    And it’s great that you are trying to get back to skating. I went a few times when I was a kid, and fell down a lot. Mostly because other people ran into me. At my age and weight, with my bad knee, I’m pretty sure that any attempt to skate again would be a complete disaster, so I’m staying far away from skating rinks. I hope your skating club goes well, and you are able to regain some of the strength you had from roller derby.

    Liked by 1 person

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About Quixie

Hi! I go by "Quixie." Quixie is a shortened version of "quixotic," which means: "exceedingly idealistic; unrealistic and impractical." It's how I described my evangelical Christian faith when I started blogging 7 years ago. Now I'm an agnostic atheist who is trying to find a balance between idealism and reality. I write about my mental health journey with bipolar disorder, my loss of faith (deconversion), parenting teens, reading, exercise/health, work-life, and my marriage separation/divorce.