25 days til divorce hearing: facing the truth

I went to see the weight loss doctor today. Though I haven’t seen the doctor yet; I saw the nurse and they ran lots of tests. She says I’m too young for perimenopausal symptoms and she thinks my symptoms are due to insulin-resistance (oh-my-god do I have diabetes???) but after talking to my mom, she said she had symptoms for 10 years before she went through menopause. So it’s possible.

I got my blood sugar checked 2 years ago pre-pandemic and it was in normal range, so I’d be surprised if I’m having any issues in that department, especially since I don’t have any mood or energy swings surrounding meals, but you never know. I find out the results in a couple days and then see the doctor next week.

I did it: I faced the scale; I faced the body composition machine. I’m fat, lol. But now I know how much I need to lose. And also my metabolism is slightly faster than average so I’m feeling a bit ashamed that I’m so overweight with that in mind.

You can do this, Quix, you can face this. You can get healthy.

I’ve accomplished so much socially this past year. It’s incredible, really. Good job, Quix. Now you got to work on your physical body.

I’m at the library right now. An older teenager and her 7 (?) year old brother is filling out a college application with the help of her grandmother. She wants to be an anesthesiologist but she got a C in chemistry, so I’m skeptical. The boy is being extremely loud, making strange noises (like a goat). I wonder if he has an developmental disability. It’s a big distraction, but I understand that they may not have anyone else to watch him. Last time there was a man who was doing the same thing. He seemed homeless. He’d make strange noises and then laugh really loud randomly.

She just asked her mother what religion is she. I think that’s really funny. Shouldn’t one know? My daughter knew by her preteen years that she is an atheist. Anyway, it’s so strange seeing the kind of help kids get these days. I don’t recall anyone helping me fill out a college application, not even my financial aid form. Oh my god, that makes me sound so old.

It makes me sad to think my daughter will likely not be attending college, at least not for quite a while. Well, she’s got 2 years of high school left. She’s brilliant, but she failed 3 out of 4 classes her last semester. I’m hoping after having a few months off during the summer she’ll be able to succeed this next year.

Wow, is this kid distracting.

I’d better go because I can’t think with the noise. I came to the library as a reward for cleaning up my apartment a little bit. Maybe I’ll go across the library and come back after she’s done with her application.

Yes, I think that’s what I’ll do.

Okay, 10 minutes later now. The family is gone.

I’ve got more cleaning to do when I get home. Tomorrow I have a therapy appointment but I’m off tomorrow as well due to my new schedule at work. I’ve got to figure out what to do with myself.

I’m feeling…just raw. Anxious.

I think I might just go home and take a nap.

Thanks for reading, friends.

2 thoughts on “25 days til divorce hearing: facing the truth

  1. My older daughter tried to go to college right out of high school, and it didn’t work, she wasn’t ready. She had to drop out. Later, she went to community college together with her Aspie younger sister, did a part-time course load, and they both made the Dean’s List, and eventually graduated with honors, and have transferred to a 4-year University to finish their degrees. It’s taking a long time, but they are getting there. I have to keep reminding myself that they aren’t on my schedule. they are on their own.

    Liked by 1 person

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About Quixie

Hi! I go by "Quixie." Quixie is a shortened version of "quixotic," which means: "exceedingly idealistic; unrealistic and impractical." It's how I described my evangelical Christian faith when I started blogging 7 years ago. Now I'm an agnostic atheist who is trying to find a balance between idealism and reality. I write about my mental health journey with bipolar disorder, my loss of faith (deconversion), parenting teens, reading, exercise/health, work-life, and my marriage separation/divorce.