Day after Thanksgiving

I’m listening to my top 100 songs from 2021 Spotify “Wrapped.” I’m highly anticipating 2022’s summary, which should be released soon.

Boy, my 2021 songs were emotional and punchy, and pop-y, and mostly upbeat. I’m not sure what 2022 will show, but not that. The songs I’ve liked for 2022 don’t move me, the 2021 songs make me feel something. In fact, I feel like I’m in a much better mood now, listening to them.

Like, I actually have hope. I’m thinking about putting up an actual Christmas tree this year, instead of my tiny 2 foot tree my mom bought me. And lights on my porch. I need to act like I care again.

And, just like that, I feel overwhelmed. Like, that’s too much work. Like, why try?

But I have to try. I have to show my kids that life is worth the effort. Sigh. But why is it so hard?

Listening to my 2021 Spotify songs makes me realize how much hope I lost. I predicted that 2021 would be a good year. I did get my divorce, I lost nearly 30 lbs, and I did finally invite my friends over to my apartment but I’m currently stuck. I’m doubting myself. I’m not looking forward to anything. I’m just like meh.

Next year I’m going to focus on things that bring me hope, that make me feel alive. That make me feel connected. I know the year isn’t over yet. So why not start now? I’ll try, but there is something about a new year that helps you start things.

How’s your “Black Friday” going? I’m not buying anything today. I cannot fathom what I actually need. I suppose I could buy Xmas presents but I’m just not in the headspace to do that now.

One thought on “Day after Thanksgiving

  1. It’s good you’re acknowledging what you’re feeling and tat you want to change it to something better. Your desire to put effort into making life is worth the effort and to model that for your kids show that you’re going in the right direction. One step at a time. You can turn decorating the tree into a family activity, which will make decorating much faster, create new memories, and use it as a family Christmas photo.

    Liked by 1 person

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About Quixie

Hi! I go by "Quixie." Quixie is a shortened version of "quixotic," which means: "exceedingly idealistic; unrealistic and impractical." It's how I described my evangelical Christian faith when I started blogging 7 years ago. Now I'm an agnostic atheist who is trying to find a balance between idealism and reality. I write about my mental health journey with bipolar disorder, my loss of faith (deconversion), parenting teens, reading, exercise/health, work-life, and my marriage separation/divorce.