anhedonia = loss of pleasure

Nothing feels good right now. It’s like there is an empty void. I look around and wonder what I should be doing and I’m at a loss. Typically I can comfort myself with YouTube or shows on a streaming service. That isn’t working anymore.

It’s also difficult to connect with others. I’m holding on to just a little sliver of goodness. It’s not so bad that I want to die but I want to experience some level of contentment or satisfaction. I know things are bad when I’m bored because I normally have an endless curiosity. And I’m bored.

I’m sharing this so that you can see what depression looks like in real time. At least the parts I’m comfortable sharing. The darker parts are mine alone to experience. I’m not feeling that darkness at the moment, at least that part is good.

I’m not giving into this, it’s just how I feel at this moment.

I’m going to blog it out. Maybe I’ll keep writing everyday, maybe I won’t. Maybe it’ll be multiple times a day, I dunno. I have something scheduled for tomorrow but after that? I don’t know.

Stay tuned, friends.

2 thoughts on “Anhedonia

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About Quixie

Hi! I go by "Quixie." Quixie is a shortened version of "quixotic," which means: "exceedingly idealistic; unrealistic and impractical." It's how I described my evangelical Christian faith when I started blogging 7 years ago. Now I'm an agnostic atheist who is trying to find a balance between idealism and reality. I write about my mental health journey with bipolar disorder, my loss of faith (deconversion), parenting teens, reading, exercise/health, work-life, and my marriage separation/divorce.