No walk this morning

I woke up at 5:44 am but was in the midst of keto flu. Last night when I got home I felt shaky so I ate some dinner and then laid down. I took a THREE HOUR nap, woke up for a couple hours and then went to sleep again at 11pm.

During the night I had many dreams involving vomiting. So when I woke up with enough talk time go for a walk I rolled over and thought, Not today bitch. Ok, that wasn’t my actual thought. My thought was, Uggghhh.

Sometimes you just need a day off.

The dread and loss of interest I’ve been experiencing has mildly subsided, as now I’m on a mission to get my daughter the mental health treatment she needs. My old psychiatrist sees children but charges $300 for an initial evaluation (she no longer accepts insurance). But she can see her this week. The only other child psychiatrist in town is booked out until end of November.

November it is!

But my daughter’s therapist is being so pushy about getting her evaluated right away. Part of this is due to a misunderstanding that I can’t get into here, but needless to say I’m concerned but not that concerned that my daughter must be seen asap. I just, yeah soon. Sooner that November is probably needed, but we’ll see what the doctor results from this morning’s pediatrician visit show.

A couple years ago my son was uncharacteristically behaving badly and started to cry every day before school and was miserable, mopey, and never laughed. Turned out here had a Vitamin D deficiency and once we treated that he was back to his old self.

My daughter is not nearly as bad off as she was a year ago, which is probably why I’m not extremely concerned. Like I said in a previous posts, it’s hard as a parent making these decisions.

Right now I’m sitting by a bunch of extra desserts from my work’s food pantry. I’m not even craving them. Though I would love some of the Hawaiian bread that I see, but I’m really committed to this diet.

Really, the issue with my eating is that I’m used to shoving food into my mouth when I’m bored or anxious. What’s harder than cutting out sugar, and most carbs, is this feeling of discomfort from trying to find alternative ways to self-soothe.

Even if I end up deciding eventually that this diet isn’t for me long-term I’ll have to address the issue. And I’ll have to continue with really thinking about and planning out what I’m putting into my body.

Tomorrow I’ll go for a walk. I’ll explain why here if I don’t but because I wrote it here now I have some measure of accountability.

One thought on “No walk this morning

  1. Food has been such a comfort to me over the years – definitely an unhealthy coping mechanism (I frequently binge eat). I’m trying to develop a better relationship with it, but as you say… it’s difficult to find other ways to self sooth. I wish you luck on your journey. One day at a time x

    Liked by 1 person

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About Quixie

Hi! I go by "Quixie." Quixie is a shortened version of "quixotic," which means: "exceedingly idealistic; unrealistic and impractical." It's how I described my evangelical Christian faith when I started blogging 5 years ago. Now I'm an agnostic atheist who is trying to find a balance between idealism and reality. I write primarily about my mental health journey (I have bipolar disorder), and I also discuss my deconversion, mindfulness, exercise, music, reading, and other cultural topics.