Day 199: Interview tomorrow

Almost 200 days in my apartment!

I’m currently at work trying to look busy, as usual. There are several hours during the day when I do nothing, though also several hours where I am hella-busy. Right now is the downtime.

I’m really tired. I hung out with some friends last night and did Christmas crafts. It was a lot of fun but the wine kept me up. This morning I racked by brain for every excuse to call out or come in late to work but I realized I might have to have an excuse later for an interview and so I resisted the very very strong urge.

Speaking of interviews, I have one tomorrow at 8 am. It’s at a physical therapy outpatient clinic for women. So, similar work but not with acute care patients. I’m worried now that the pay may be lower, and I should have asked that on the phone so as to not waste my time. My work is very strict about terminating employment if you rack up enough attendance points, and I’m half way there from calling out on 3 occasions already so I have to be careful. I’m likely going to be late coming in tomorrow because the interview is at 8, it’s across town and I have to change out of interview clothes into scrubs somehow.

I’m skipping the Humanist holiday celebration tonight even though I paid for a reservation. I’m way too tired and stressed. I don’t know why they have it on a weekday night anyway. It’s likely cheaper, but who wants to go to a party when they have to work the next day? I guess most of the guest list is retired.

I think I’m also hesitant to go to the Humanist group also because last time I was invited to a church. I was already feeling out of touch with the retired rich folks but the whole church thing really frazzled me.

Overall, I’m feeling frazzled right now. I don’t want to go to the interview tomorrow. It’s because I feel ashamed over leaving my job so soon; I feel like a bad person for not wanting to do this job; I’m worried it won’t pay enough or I’ll accept the job and then hate it; I’m worried about being late, and the thought of starting a new job stresses me out. Would it be a relief to not do what I’m doing now? I guess it depends what the alternative is.

I’m really irritated about work still processing my early transfer request. It’s only been 2 weeks and 2 days, but still — that’s 2 weeks and 2 days, which feels like an extremely long time. If I were quitting the job I’d be gone by now because my 2 weeks would be up. So, I’m just waiting, with my boss and my two main coworkers knowing that I’m unhappy and want to switch departments. I wasn’t going to apply outside that hospital and just wait for the transfer but I got impatient.

I can’t get over how shitty I feel job hopping. Any job I get is not going to help me in the long run unless I make significantly more $ because eventually the stock money is going to run out. Also, I said I wasn’t going to ask alimony from my husband when we divorce but I wonder if I’ll need to. At this point about 80% of my income goes to rent, so that’s obviously not sustainable.

Honestly, and I now I’m whiny, but I feel like the universe dislikes me and wants me to feel like shit. Which is an entirely irrational thought, of course, but that’s how I feel.

I feel like when the people interview me tomorrow they are going to realize their mistake and then ghost me like the other two employers who interviewed me a month ago actually said they wouldn’t do. What a crock of shit.

I’m trying to stay positive but I’m failing. Life, give me a win!

3 thoughts on “Day 199: Interview tomorrow

  1. For your interview tomorrow, remember that you are interviewing them as much as they are interviewing you. You have a job now. You don’t like your job right now, but you do have one. So you will be evaluating whether this new job would be an improvement on the one you have. And if it isn’t, you can say “no thanks” without any regrets. The big thing is to balance a better job experience with how much you are paid, because both are important for your quality of life.

    (About a year ago I had an old employer contact me to see if I would come work for him. Right now I have a reasonable commute and a private office. He was offering me a much longer and horrible commute, a cubicle, and less money. It was a no-brainer to turn it down.)

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Thanks for the advice, Ubi. I didn’t end up reading this until after the interview but I think I did end up asking all the right questions. I felt really comfortable at the office, with the interviewer, the front staff and even with a patient who said she liked my mask. Overall, the job won’t be intelluctually stimulating and the pay is actually less, but not enough so to make much of a difference (really, I need a job that pays 2x what I’m making now). I think the job would be much better for a my mental health than my current job, though I though they are looking for students going to PT school so I don’t think they’ll choose me but it was nice having a pleasant interview and I wouldn’t mind working there. Plus, Fridays are half days.

      Liked by 3 people

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About Quixie

Hi! I go by "Quixie." Quixie is a shortened version of "quixotic," which means: "exceedingly idealistic; unrealistic and impractical." It's how I described my evangelical Christian faith when I started blogging 7 years ago. Now I'm an agnostic atheist who is trying to find a balance between idealism and reality. I write about my mental health journey with bipolar disorder, my loss of faith (deconversion), parenting teens, reading, exercise/health, work-life, and my marriage separation/divorce.